Alzheimer's began for my mother in her 50's although we, her family, didn't recognize it

Alzheimer's is not always what one thinks. Each experience is different, painful, and deeply personal.  You will find my story about the years after my mother's diagnosis of Alzheimer's to her death from complications at Diagnosis Alzheimer's: My Mother, My Friend on Yahoo!Voices. She was beautiful and smart and it was difficult to watch as her disease progressed through many different stages. Through all of them, she was very aware that something was wrong.

Mom died in 2004 at Hope Hospice while my brother and I stood on either side, holding her hand. We let her know that it was her choice to go or stay. She had been a devout Catholic all of her life, having converted when she married my father. I knew that she would want to follow the beliefs of her church in death as she did in her (healthy) life. Catholics believe in life above all things and that we must accept our earthly trials and continue on. As she chose to leave this life, however, I am sure it was with Our Lord's blessing. We could have chosen to put her through more hospital visits, getting nourishment, and going back to the nursing home only to find her way back to the hospital due to malnutrition until nothing more could be done. She went from eating healthy and drinking a lot of water to someone who not only did not realize she needed both but did not seem to remember how to do either. We simply chose to put her life in God's capable hands rather than human ones and trust Him to know when it was time take her back home. At her funeral, In the Garden was played, a song she had chosen years before. It is now one of my favorites, and one I also want played at mine.

When Mom was moved into the nursing home, we put up a lot of pictures, some on the wall in the hallway outside of her room. As we walked back and forth while she plotted her escape, she always stopped next to the picture of her mother, my beloved Granny, and would say, "She was quite a lady, wasn't she?" She certainly was, Mom, and so were you. She would talk about going back "home" and missing her sister. I had to supply the names for her because she was past remembering details. She didn't even seem to know my name or who I was although she certainly knew that I was someone close to her and lit up when I stopped to visit. The "light" of recognition and joy that I was there at times quickly changed to blaming me for putting her there, even though she didn't know where she was. She only knew that she was trapped. She saw me as a way of escape from her captivity even as she blamed me for it.

It seemed that I lost my mother twice: once to Alzheimer's and then to death from this earthly life. I choose to remember the good times and the joy she got from her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I only wish she had been around longer to enjoy the ones who didn't get to meet her.